May 13th, 2008

My arms are outstretched behind me, still shaking, as they have been for the entire day. The wind blows against my skin and makes me shiver. This is when I look over my shoulder at you, as you sit there, gazing out into the sea. Your eyes shift, anxiously, trying to concentrate and focus your thoughts. But as I increase the intensity of my stare at you, you turn back with such hesitance and raise your eyebrows at me. I see nervousness in your eyes.

I shake my head slightly and turn to look out into the sea, just as you were doing. You return to the same stature. The strong, cold wind blows my hair back and causes a shiver to run down my spine. I'm cold, but yet, still waiting for you to notice. Glancing at you every now and then, I wonder if you can feel my heart racing, or sense it, in the least. I wonder if you've even sense the way I've felt the entire day, just as I have felt your heart racing each time our hands brushed each other's.

You shift your right foot and prop it up onto your left knee, letting your weight sink down a little, hunching and sighing as you continue to gaze, blankly, out into the sea. While I shift around in my spot, trying as hard as ever to catch your attention, I can't help but spot the fear in your eyes - your fear that each passing moment could be your last. Brushing my hair back, I silent wish you knew that I felt that same fear in me, no matter how hard I tried to ignore. I don't want to lose you.

The winds force me to pull my knees to my chest as I attempt to dismiss the dropping temperatures. But with each cold gust of wind, I pull my knees closer to myself and comment on the cold, watching confusion spread across your face your once blank gaze now focusing on the mess of quandaries that run through your mind.

You reach into your bag and pull out a black shirt as I, gratefully, place it over my shoulders. I, unmistakably, feel my heart sink as you turn away and gaze back into the sky. Hugging my knees tighter, I try to console the disappointed screams that ring in my head. Don't you have a clue now?

I inch closer to your side and rest my head onto your shoulder, my vision blurring as I do so. My heart pounds as a warning and my breathing starts to hasten. I convince the uncertainty that echoes in my mind that I only need warmth to get me through this cold breeze. Hearing you gasp, I know that I'm not alone. But pretending, and hoping that you can't hear my deep breaths, I stare as the waves crash onto the rocks, falling back down so fast.

Time passes slowly but finally, I feel you move - your arm, lifting slowly across my back, brushing against the fabric on my skin. I gasp, and hold my breath. My left shoulder drops a little from the sudden weight of your hand. I lean into you and feel your racing heartbeat pounding against my cheek - a little sign of assurance, but such a huge step to take. Only now do I ask, silently to myself, why does that tear run down your face?