July 19th, 2008

A smile spreads across your face, the smile that warms my heart and makes my knees weak, the same smile that I fell in love with months ago, as the lift doors crank open and you see me. I try to force a smile back, but I figure it isn't working when your face falls as you notice the red puffiness in my eyes.

Running your fingers through, my hair, you nudge my chin slightly - a tiny gesture of concern. Your eyes tell me you're guessing for a reason and that you're trying to search for an answer, a confirmation within me as you stare into me, your gaze piercing and deep. I turn away to avoid your pained eyes, placing my palm on your chest and applying just enough pressure to hint that it is not the time for questions.

Your stare less intense, you nod vaguely, a hint of a smile at the corner of you lips. You do not have to say it, but your eyes tell me not to worry, that you'll always be here. Count on me, they console me. I can't look at you straight in the eye, and my head starts to spin. I turn away and shake my head, hoping you wouldn't see my expression which is not easy to hide. You just wouldn't understand, baby, I'm so sorry.

Yet, when I sum up enough courage to look back at you, the consoling smile, the smile that warms my heart and makes my knees weak, the same smile that I fell in love with months ago, still lingers at the corner of your lips as you speak, "So, shall we go now?" I nod, as you slip your fingers between mine, noticing that you're trying so hard to ignore the bothering thoughts and question that nag at you.

The steps we take are soft, soundless, but yet they feel so heavy and so weighed down. We're walking at a moderately slow speed. I turn to glance back at you but when you catch my eyes, I see the emotions reflected in them, the deafening pain screaming from within. Still, your smile still by the same corner of your lips, the smile that warms my heart and makes my knees weak, the same smile that I fell in love with months ago. You brush my cheek with the back of your hand, turn away and continue walking on.

My head spins and each step I take feels like a torture, a second closer to tomorrow, a day in which you know just nothing about. I spin around and gaze into your eyes, pleading for your embrace, your comforting embrace. Your smile, the smile that warms my heart and makes my knees weak, the same smile that I fell in love with months ago, begins to fade as your lips start to quiver. In fear, in pain? I don't know, and I'm not wishing to know.

In a quick sudden motion, you wrap your firm arms around my back and pull me into a tight embrace, your breath radiating against the top of my head. I feel your tensed muscles in your upper arms loosen around my shoulder blades. I look up at you and you smile, the smile that warms my heart and makes my knees weak, the same smile that I fell in love with months ago, "You don't want to talk about it?" I shake my head.

You nod, but worry still dances in the light of your eyes. I pretend I don't see them - I don't want to. I bury my head into your chest as you hold me tighter. Your embrace is warm and it seems to dry up the aching pain that burns within me; your love so sweet that it seems to neutralise all the bitterness within my aching heart.

Moving closer, pressing your cheek against mine, your warm breath beating against my earlobe, you whisper three words. Three simple, magical words that follows with your smile, the smile that warms my heart and makes my knees weak, the same smile that I fell in love with months ago. A warm tear runs down my cold, pale white cheek and makes my skin tingle.

As I raise my chin and look into your eyes, with you smiling back - the smile that warms my heart and makes my knees weak, the same smile that I fell in love with months ago, I realise - you're the one I want to spend loving for the rest of my life. For all the number of lifetimes possible, I want to stay in your arms this way, forever.