December 8th, 2006 (twisted)

He pulled me into a tight embrace, into his arms where everything felt right, the only place where I seemed to belong. The world around me spun in circles, everything felt so perfect, in a strange unfamiliar way. The sunlight shone so brightly, it seemed to blind. The fragrance of freshly-cut grass seemed so strong, I was suffocating. Anyhow, even though I felt like I could collaspe, I was in his arms, and I was safe.

He twirled my hair around his fingers, tugging gently at my scalp, still keeping one hand around my waist. I stared at the hypnotizing, repeatitive movements of his fingers. One round, two, three. "You know, I will come back."

I moved my gaze up to his eyes, staring intently back at me. I wasn't sure if he meant it, he was never good with keeping to his words. "Yes, how I dread school starting so soon."

"Oh... I can't wait really. It's going to be new, all over again." He was slowly untwining my hair from around his index finger now, careful not to cause any knots. Four rounds, three, two.

"Not for me though," I paused, wondering if he would ever wish me to be there by him, "it's just going to be the same school, same class. Another year of everything. Of course, without you around."

"I still will be there, you know that." I felt my heart skip a beat. Oh, how he knew just what to say sometimes, to make everything all better, the right play of words. I lifted my chin slowly, enough to be able to look into his eyes that stared blankly ahead. Where was he?

"Well, just promise me," I whispered, burrying my face into his chest, "that you would come back often." I constantly sounded like I was pleading. How pathetic, this feeling of insecurity. Wrapping my arms tighter around his back, I wished I never had to let go.

With my head against his chest, and his body pressed against mine, I could feel his warmth, feel his pulse, hear his breaths. "I will, to see all of my juniors and everyone," he sighed, "and you, of course."

I'm sure I didn't imagine the hesistation. Neither could I not notice the feel of his arms loosen around me.

And as he let go off me and turned to walk off, the sun seemed to dim, it didn't blind me anymore. The smell of grass that once lingered in the air seemed to faze. I could breathe with ease, but nothing felt right. It wasn't meant to be this way, I wasn't meant to feel this way.

I knew we weren't meant to be, from the start, it wasn't too hard to miss. This was the beginning of him drifting away, only the beginning. I couldn't and didn't want to imagine the end.

So, as he strode off slowly, ahead of me, I stood, motionlessly, observing the rhythm of his footsteps, counting each step as the distance between us grew. One, two, three four...